This years opening twist is THEY ARE NOT OFFICALLY HOUSEMATES and have to earn their right to this … luxury?!
A task to convince a “non-housemate” to have their eyebrows shaved off, plus glasses and a moustache drawn on their face with permanent marker; was hungrily accepted by fancy-man Rodrigo, 23, from Brazil, who admits loving men and woman and was wearing the tightest trousers ever known to man! Ex-athletics champion, Noirin,25, fought off the rest of the housemates and confused everyone by having drawn on eyebrows anyway, which made the poor fancy-man’s job a bit harder! So they were the first to be crowned “Housemates 2009”!
Also possibly joining them is Posh boy Freddie, 23, who still lives with Mummy and Daddy.
o Loudmouth lesbian Lisa, who is jobless and sporting a Mohican at the age of 41…
o Sexy Sophie, 20, who has 30GG fake tits and “isn’t a bimbo” – we’ll see!
o Ladies man Kris, 24, was next with his unruly locks and bad-boy behaviour.
o Rude-boy Cairon, 18, a wannabe rapper who is barely out of nappies with his grumpy attitude.
o Ex-rockstar turned boxer Angel, 35, appears very strange but highly amusing, is teetotal, bisexual and single.
o Arrogant Karly, 21, faces other beauties Norin and Sophie but doesn’t really strand a chance.
o Lovely Charlie, 22, won Mr Gay UK in his heat in Newcastle and seems well… lovely.
o Small Sophia, 26, is just 4’11 but don’t be deceived – she breaks wind all the time and randomly breaks into song. That’s not unusual from a BB housemate.
o Wannabe Porn star Marcus, 35, looks very much like Wolverine, the comic-book version, not the Hugh Jackman version – just to be clear!
o Single mum Saffia, 27, works as a beautician and seems as dull and unclassy as the chewing gum stuck under school tables.
o Virgin Sree, 25, moved from India to do a Masters in business, but has dreams of being an actor.
o Loud-mouth Beinazir, 28, looks like a drag queen and says she hates reality T.V. – does someone want to point out what BB is?!
o And finally Siavash, 23, with his long hair and beard admitted he’s upset with his penis size!
You had better memorise them quick, because soon these names will be everywhere; in your favourite magazine, in the papers, on the radio, on the news and of course on our T.V. screens – is there any point in trying to hide from it?! Come on, Big Brother is on every night of the week at 9pm!
This bunch of extremists, glamour models and sexually challenged non-housemates are to be faced with uniforms, cold porridge to eat and a bucket with a hole instead of a toilet- that is until they become “official housemates” where they can enter the real house, but not all of them will make it and we can chuck out some of the extremely annoying ones on Sunday!
As always, thanks for reading!